Happy Valentine's Day

I've told this story in GriefShare a couple of times, and I told the ladies at my table at last weekend's IF:Gathering, and I've told my mom.  I haven't shared it here yet, because it's my blog and I get to pick what I share, and this story shows a little of my ugly side.  But it shows a little bit of how awesome God is, so I'm going to tell you now:

Last year I returned to work two weeks after Kevin died.  A couple of weeks after that, I came home from work one day and no one else was here, and I just lost it.  I screamed at God for close to an hour: "Why did you kill my husband?" and "How could you do this to me?" and on and on.  Just raging and pitching a big old tantrum.

When I had worn myself out and thoroughly scared the dog into hiding in his crate, I found myself lying in the kitchen floor completely drained.  And then....

I felt surrounded by the most amazing love and peace I've ever experienced.  There really are not words.  When the Bible talks about peace that surpasses understanding, I've always read that & just thought it just means something bigger than what we as humans can understand, but now I know what it means, I just can't put it into words.

And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7

It occurred to me later as I thought about this that as wonderful as he was, Kevin would not have responded with love and peace if I had screamed at him like that for five minutes, much less an hour.  And my Daddy would certainly set me in my place if I had the nerve to pitch a fit like that at him.  But God in His grace and compassion just wrapped me up in love.

There's a song called Good, Good Father.  Every time I hear or sing that song, it brings back to me the love and peace God wrapped me in that day.  (Yes, Kathy & Jen, even the Chris Tomlin version works for me.)  I hope you know that song, and more importantly I hope you also know that love.

God loves you too just as much.  If you don't know it, just ask Him and He will show you.  Happy Valentines Day.