Last year I returned to work two weeks after Kevin died. A couple of weeks after that, I came home from work one day and no one else was here, and I just lost it. I screamed at God for close to an hour: "Why did you kill my husband?" and "How could you do this to me?" and on and on. Just raging and pitching a big old tantrum.
When I had worn myself out and thoroughly scared the dog into hiding in his crate, I found myself lying in the kitchen floor completely drained. And then....
I felt surrounded by the most amazing love and peace I've ever experienced. There really are not words. When the Bible talks about peace that surpasses understanding, I've always read that & just thought it just means something bigger than what we as humans can understand, but now I know what it means, I just can't put it into words.
And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
It occurred to me later as I thought about this that as wonderful as he was, Kevin would not have responded with love and peace if I had screamed at him like that for five minutes, much less an hour. And my Daddy would certainly set me in my place if I had the nerve to pitch a fit like that at him. But God in His grace and compassion just wrapped me up in love.
There's a song called Good, Good Father. Every time I hear or sing that song, it brings back to me the love and peace God wrapped me in that day. (Yes, Kathy & Jen, even the Chris Tomlin version works for me.) I hope you know that song, and more importantly I hope you also know that love.
God loves you too just as much. If you don't know it, just ask Him and He will show you. Happy Valentines Day.