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Friday, February 12, 2016

Happy Valentine's Day

I've told this story in GriefShare a couple of times, and I told the ladies at my table at last weekend's IF:Gathering, and I've told my mom.  I haven't shared it here yet, because it's my blog and I get to pick what I share, and this story shows a little of my ugly side.  But it shows a little bit of how awesome God is, so I'm going to tell you now:

Last year I returned to work two weeks after Kevin died.  A couple of weeks after that, I came home from work one day and no one else was here, and I just lost it.  I screamed at God for close to an hour: "Why did you kill my husband?" and "How could you do this to me?" and on and on.  Just raging and pitching a big old tantrum.

When I had worn myself out and thoroughly scared the dog into hiding in his crate, I found myself lying in the kitchen floor completely drained.  And then....

I felt surrounded by the most amazing love and peace I've ever experienced.  There really are not words.  When the Bible talks about peace that surpasses understanding, I've always read that & just thought it just means something bigger than what we as humans can understand, but now I know what it means, I just can't put it into words.

And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7

It occurred to me later as I thought about this that as wonderful as he was, Kevin would not have responded with love and peace if I had screamed at him like that for five minutes, much less an hour.  And my Daddy would certainly set me in my place if I had the nerve to pitch a fit like that at him.  But God in His grace and compassion just wrapped me up in love.

There's a song called Good, Good Father.  Every time I hear or sing that song, it brings back to me the love and peace God wrapped me in that day.  (Yes, Kathy & Jen, even the Chris Tomlin version works for me.)  I hope you know that song, and more importantly I hope you also know that love.

God loves you too just as much.  If you don't know it, just ask Him and He will show you.  Happy Valentines Day.


  1. Happy Valentine's Day . You never cease to amaze me. I'm glad you find ways to share. God is good, everyday.