More Good Days Than Bad....But Not This Week: Countdown to Vegas Week 7

I know I'm supposed to be telling you how my marathon training went this week, but it's mostly a blur & I don't have much to say about it. Usually when someone asks how I'm doing, if they are a person I feel safe being honest with, I say "More good days than bad ones lately."  Well this week that wasn't true.

There were a few bright moments. Boot camp was good on Tuesday, and Theresa's Refit class on Wednesday was a lot of fun.  But mostly I've felt so sad and so tired, or just numb.  Even my runs were struggles. I don't want to do this anymore. But there's no way off this road.  No detours, no shortcuts. 

I know there's still good to come - little oasis moments of joy on this long lonely desert road - some races & other fun things I have planned that I'm looking forward to. But right now I'm just tired. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of feeling like a stranger in my own life. Even sleeping doesn't help. I dreamed about Kevin last night, and he kissed me which was awesome because I really miss kissing him. But he refused to say he loved me, and so I woke up angry and crying. 

Although maybe he wouldn't still love me if he came back. He might be appalled at some of the bad habits I've acquired since he died. Like eating in bed. Actually I used to do that before I met him too, but I don't think he knew that. I do eat a lot healthier food in bed now than I did back then, but I'm still pretty sure he wouldn't like it.  And he'd never put up with me sleeping with the lights on.

Gloomy weather to match my mood

I was hoping Saturday's long run would give me a reset, but it was rough too. I slept in rather than get an early start.  When I finally headed out around 9:30, I heard thunder almost immediately, so I headed back home. I fell asleep reading, and when I woke around 11:30 the rain had stopped. I had 2 chapters to go so I decided to finish my book then go run.  Just as I put my book down, rain & thunder made another appearance. By then I was hungry again so I ate lunch, then finally around 2:30 the skies and radar were both clear. But the heat & humidity were back, and I battled nausea for most of my run, which was more of a long walk.  By the end I was feeling dizzy too. Not a fun run at all.  But I didn't stop and I finished my scheduled 12 miles.

Total miles for the week: 33.8

Total training miles to date:  161.55

One area I'm not struggling in right now is my faith. I feel God so present with me right now in my pain. It's hard to even explain. Parts of the Bible like Job and Lamentations that never really made sense to me before do now. God is still good, and He hasn't abandoned me.  I just don't want to be here anymore.  My soul is tired.  I don't think it's coincidence that I've heard this song on the radio three times this week, even though it's not a current hit.

Up Next

I try to keep a good balance between fun events scheduled and downtime to just be where I am.  I know if I get too busy I'll start feeling stressed instead of enjoying my activities, but if I don't have enough on the calendar that will leave me feeling lonely.  I have two races this week:

Run(317) Carmel on Thursday evening - a new location this year for my fave race series.  I like running in Carmel, but I don't like driving there.  So much construction, my car GPS is useless.  The race and post race party are always a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone.  As of Friday, there were only about 50 spots left, so this will sell out too.  If you aren't signed up yet, don't wait.

The GloRun on Saturday evening - an 80's themed glow-in-the-dark night run.  I'm doing this one with Josh, so I know we'll have a great time.

You're Never Too Old To Play Outside: Countdown to Vegas Week 6

This post is not going to be my typical weekly training recap.  This past week was rather light on training but strong on adventure.  I needed that.  I feel freer today than I have in months.  I hope I can hang onto this feeling.  It's going to be hard to tell you what all this meant to me, but in my rambly way I will try.

Monday - Wednesday: Recovery

My back was still hurting from the week prior.  I think all the time spent sitting in classes, in airports and on airplanes had irritated a nerve.  I didn't want to run until I was pain-free; I'd rather miss a few days than take a chance of making it worse.  So I tried to walk some each day, and stretch and foam roll my legs and glutes.  By Wednesday I felt about 95% better, so I cleaned the frat house and made plans to run on Thursday.

Thursday: Running Again

Thursday's run was both fun and inspirational.  IMPD invited the public to come out and run with

their recruit class, so I joined several friends to do that.  We met shortly before noon and listened along with the recruits to their trainers and the Police Chief.  We ran along the Canal Walk, stopping at the USS Indianapolis Memorial, the 9/11 Memorial, and the Medal of Honor Memorial.  At each stop, we listened to the trainers and Police Chief again as they talked about service and sacrifice.  It was all very moving.  The run was also fun, since the recruits were doing PT calls, and it's been a long time since I've run to any of those.  I was humbled and grateful to be a part of this, and I hope I get the chance to do it again.  Click this link to see the news story about it:  http://wishtv.com/2016/08/18/chief-riggs-runs-with-impd-recruits-along-canal/

Friday - Sunday: Summer Camp FBG Style

Flat Rock River YMCA Camp offers a Women's Getaway Weekend, and several of my friends and I had been planning to go for months.  #YurtChat started back in March.  I cannot tell you how excited I was that the weekend was finally here, and it did not disappoint.

Countdown to Vegas Week 5: Run Detroit

I spent most of last week in Detroit taking classes towards being a Certified Housing Asset Manager.  I didn't let the travel derail my marathon training though.  I had already planned several runs and workouts before I even left Indy, and of course my fave running shoes went in my carry-on bag.  I am not taking any chance of losing those!

Monday - Long Run

Classes every day except Friday ran from 8:00 - 4:00.  As soon as Monday's class was over, I headed back to the hotel to change and go run.  Monday's weather was in the low 70s with low humidity, and based on the forecast for the week, it was going to be the most perfect day for a run.  My plan was to go down to the Riverfront and run north to Belle Isle bridge, then run over the bridge to Belle Isle State Park, about 4 miles.  I thought I'd find somewhere there to buy water and a snack, then run back.  The first part of the evening went according to plan.

Once I got to the island, I was a little disappointed at first.  There were very few signs, and even fewer sidewalks.  For a park, it was not pedestrian friendly at all.  There were roads and bike lanes everywhere, and all the walkers and runners I saw were in the bike lanes, which forced the bikes into the roads.  Most of the attractions were closed since it was after business hours, so I headed over to the beach.  There my disappointment went away.  The beach was delightful, and even though the cafe was closed there was an ice cream truck, so I got my snack and water, and took my shoes off to run on the sand and in the water.  The Detroit River is very clean and pretty.

Countdown to Vegas Week 4

Thankful for the cloud cover

The countdown has moved from triple-digits to double-digits: just 98 days till we run Vegas!  Training is going well.  This is the part I always like: I'm feeling strong and enjoying my runs and workouts.

Monday - Hills

Four rounds of long hill-short hill runs ending in strides, plus a couple extra laps just because.  I can definitely tell in the 6 weeks or so I've been doing these hill workouts that they are making me stronger.  I'm making some great new running friends too.

Total miles: 4

Tuesday - Cross Training

I got stuck in construction traffic on the way to BSRC, so I only did half a lap before heading off to boot camp.  Since most area schools are on balanced calendars and started back this week or last week, the theme was Back To School: a countdown-style total body workout that I confess I pulled straight from Pinterest.  It was a good workout though.

Total miles: 1.2

Wednesday - Rest Day

I did not get up for sunrise yoga.  Actually, I did get up, but after about 10 minutes I decided to go back to bed.  It wasn't so much the yoga as the thought of how I end up dragging by 3pm on these days I go into work at 7 instead of closer to 9.

Total miles: 0

Thursday - Speed

I went to Flat12 early and left about 30 minutes before our normal run time to get some extra miles in.  Following my advice from last week, though, I did let Patrick know I was there and what route I would be running.  Since it was the first night of GenCon, I ran down to Georgia Street and over to Capitol.  I didn't see very many costumes - most people save those for Saturday - but I did see a lot of fun nerdy t-shirts.  I was of course wearing my Battlestar Galactica Viper pilot double tank and channeling my inner Starbuck.

Total miles: 5

Friday - Recovery Run

Five miles, Cultural Trail to Pogues Run Trail and back, split between morning and lunch time.  Friday runs are fun because I get to listen to Lindsey's podcast: I'll Have Another.  If you enjoy podcasts, I definitely recommend you give hers a listen.  She always has fun and inspiring guests on, and she herself is so fun and inspiring.

Total miles: 5

Saturday - Long Run & A Surprise Race

Remember when I told you I didn't have any races in August?  Well Jen remedied that for me.  She messaged me earlier in the week that the church youth group had 10 entries in the Run For One 5K to benefit Purchased.org, and they didn't have 10 runners going so I was welcome to join them.  I got up early Saturday and ran 6.2 miles before sunrise, then showered and changed (why? who knows?) and met Jen and the youth at Southeastway Park.  It's a beautiful place to run.  There was a lot of shade and a nice breeze on the paved running trail.  The race was untimed, but my watch showed a time of 35:15, average pace of 11:23.  Not bad for running a 5K after running a 10K.  It was a fun event, with Chick-Fil-A sandwiches and a Zumba cool-down after the race.  Since I was only at 9.3 miles and I needed 10, I then hit the woodland trails around the park.  I really felt like I could keep going all morning, but I'm sticking to my training plan so I stopped at 0.7 miles.

Total miles: 10

Sunday - Rest Day

Today didn't feel very restful.  I  went straight from church to the airport, where I then had to wait for a delayed flight.  I feel like all I did was sit, but yet I'm really tired for all that sitting and waiting.  But I'm safely here in Detroit now.  I can see Canada from my hotel room, but I can't go there.  I keep meaning to renew my expired passport, but $165 is 5 or 6 race entry fees.  Maybe I need to sign up for a race in Canada?  That would motivate me.

Total miles: 0 (since I didn't track walking through airports)

Total weekly miles: 25.5

Total training miles to date:  81.05

Up Next

I'm in Detroit all week for work.  This is the continuation of the training I started last fall in Philadelphia.  I had plenty of time there for running and sightseeing, and I plan to do the same here.  If anyone has any recommendations for what to see or where to run while I'm here, leave a comment or send me a message.  I'm looking forward to checking out a new city.